The drummers kept it up until the whole village had assembled. Then they took up a different beat. Kirk nudged McCoy and Spock as he saw Chanok approaching, escorted by four other males.

Chanok was decked out in necklaces and bracelets of tiny seashells. From the opposite direction came Gannaka, similarly attired and accompanied by four females. The processions came to a halt in front of Danak, who wore a shimmering robe of iridescent fish scales.

Danak's voice rang clear. He reached his hands into the air, pointing at the two moons overhead.

"Who comes before the god and the goddess?" he sang. "Who would entreaty Dabarak and Janna?"

"I, Chanok, would join my life with Gannaka, she whom I love."

"I, Gannaka, would make Chanok my life-mate. It is he whom I love."

"Remove your marriage necklaces," commanded Danak, "and bestow them upon the one with whom you would join."

Chanok and Gannaka exchanged necklaces.

"Dabarak and Janna watch over us," Danak chanted. "Make your vows and speak the truth."

"By the love I bear for you," Chanok pledged, "I vow to lie with none other as long as you live. We will share all work and all wealth. Gannaka, I would have you for my lifemate and my helpmate."

"By the light of the two gods, I swear I do indeed love you, Chanok. I will lie with none other as long as you live. I will bear your children and share your life. Chanok, I would have you for my lifemate and my helpmate."

"To seal the bond, you must dance the marriage steps," Danak told them.

The drummers started up again and the wedding couple began to writhe sinuously and circle one another, occasionally reaching out their heads to touch nose to nose. The dance lasted about five minutes before Danak called a halt.

"It is done, the bonding is complete. Now, we will feast to honor Chanok and Gannaka!" Danak shouted to the village.

The citizens cheered loudly. Youngsters came forth, laden with trays of smoked fish and fresh fruit.

Others came with cups and jugs. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy accepted a cup. The doctor wiggled his eyebrows at his friends as a youth filled his cup.

McCoy tasted the liquid and a grin of pleasure spread across his face.

"I'll be damned! Whiskey!"

Spock and Kirk sampled their own cups.

"Not exactly, Bones."

"The captain is correct, Doctor. Whiskey is made from fermented grain. This is made from fermented fruit, so it is actually more of a brandy or a wine."

Kirk took another drink. "Good, too."

McCoy gave Spock a withering look.

"Leave it to you to get technical, Spock. I only meant they had an alcoholic beverage of their own."

"That is not what you said."

"Never mind, Spock," Kirk said in exasperation. "Just enjoy it."

The doctor limited Kirk to one cup of the brandy. Spock noticed McCoy himself didn't drink more than that. They ate well on the fruit and smoked fish. The citizens were either sitting in small groups or dancing with one another. Kirk noticed guards posted around the perimeter of the village. Obviously the Dannub had no intention of letting the garan catch them unaware.

The captain yawned and stretched. While McCoy and Spock engaged in conversation, he attempted to lift his knees. Trying hard, he succeeded in drawing his left one toward his chest.

"Bones, Spock, look! I can move my leg."

McCoy beamed. "Very good, Jim. See, I told you the paralysis wasn't permanent. I notice you're talking better, too."

"Still hard to move. But not like before."

"I've been telling you, Jim, you've just got to be patient with yourself. It takes time to come back from a serious head injury. Tomorrow, we'll take you to the pool and let you try exercising in the water."

"Why not the beach?"

"Not yet. We want to be able to drag you out easily if you start having problems."

Kirk shrugged his acceptance, then yawned again.

McCoy rose to his feet. "You've had enough excitement for tonight. It's bedtime for you, Jim-boy."

Kirk grinned up at McCoy and said, "Please, Mommy, let me stay up."

The doctor gave a mock scowl then gave a half-smile.

"Point taken, Jim. I'll try not to act like such a mother hen."

"You need watching, Captain" Spock asserted, also getting to his feet. "You frequently try to overdo."

"Who, me?"

"C'mon, Jim, "said McCoy. "Let's all go get some rest."

McCoy and Spock stooped down and picked up their friend.

As they made their way back to the hut, Kirk commented, "Beautiful ceremony. Reminds me of ... wedding ... Miramanee."

All three fell silent at Kirk's remembered pain. The somber mood discouraged conversation, so they extinguished the fish oil lamp and went to sleep.

As on the previous night, Kirk suffered a seizure and once again, all were exhausted come morning.

"I don't know, Spock," McCoy said bitterly, watching Kirk sleep restlessly, "Just about the time I think he's doing better, he has these seizures."

The doctor wearily rubbed his eyes.

"You are tired, McCoy. You said yourself they were not uncommon in this type of injury. Your exhaustion is causing your pessimism."

"I know you're right, Spock. It's just hard..."

"Yes. It is difficult to see him that way. Get some sleep. I will watch him."

McCoy nodded, wrapped himself in a blanket, and lay down on the other side of the hut.

"Thanks, Spock."

The Vulcan smiled slightly in response, but was silent. Despite his words to McCoy, Spock couldn't help worrying. What if Kirk didn't recover. He pictured Kirk as permanently disabled, then shook his head.

He was afraid Jim would not live long that way. A sharp pang of sorrow shot through him at the thought. Spock admonished himself for his emotionalism and turned his thoughts inward to meditation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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* * * *

McCoy woke six hours later. Kirk still slept. Spock got up and went in search of food while McCoy checked Kirk over.

The captain's eyes opened as McCoy ran the scanner over him. The distress in the hazel eyes was plain.

"You had another bad night, Jim, but don't let it get you down. You've got to be patient."

Kirk reached his hand up and pushed away the scanner.

"Yeah, sure."

Spock returned with two large bowls of fruit. McCoy offered a piece to Kirk, who shook his head.

Spock squatted beside Kirk.

"Jim, it is important for you to eat."

"Not hungry."

"Are you nauseous?" asked the doctor.

Kirk hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

"Okay, then, you don't have to eat, but I'm going to give you a shot of vitamins and something for your queasy stomach."

McCoy reached into the medikit and pulled out a hypo. Attaching a vial of vitamins, he pressed the hypospray to Kirk's arm and injected the contents. The doctor then administered the anti-nausea drug. After a few minutes, Kirk felt better, though he still refused food.

McCoy sighed. "All right, then. How do you feel about a swim? I want to start you on some physiotherapy."

"What's the use?"

"Jim!" McCoy was shocked. "Don't give up now. A good attitude is going to make all the difference in your recovery."

Kirk frowned.

"You must try, Captain," Spock added. His eyes met those of Kirk's and he pleaded silently.

"Okay. I'll try. But, Bones, don't...try to fool me. I know...chances aren't good."

"Since when are you a doctor, huh? Leave medical diagnoses to medical men."

"Okay, okay."

McCoy rose and turned to the Vulcan.

"Give me a hand with the stretcher, Spock, and we'll take Jim to the pool for some exercise. I wouldn't mind a bath, myself."

"I would be most grateful if you bathed, Doctor."

McCoy was indignant. "Are you saying I stink?"

"I did not say that."

"Hmmph. You don't exactly smell sweet either."

The exchange succeeded in drawing a smile from Kirk. He propped himself up on his elbows.

"Enough! Let's go."

* * * *

Spock lowered Kirk into the water at the edge of the pool. McCoy, stripped to his briefs, was already in. The Vulcan joined them.

"Okay, Jim, I'm gonna keep hold of you. See if you can stand."

Kirk slowly straightened his legs and made contact with the bottom. He turned loose of the rocky edge and tried to stand. With the water buoying him up, it wasn't too difficult. However, after a couple of minutes, his legs became numb again and he had to grasp the pool edge to keep from going under.

The captain shook his head.

"It's no good, Bones.

"You did all right. Now, I want you to kick out once with each leg."

Perspiration broke out on Kirk's forehead as he strained to comply. It took several minutes, but he finally managed to lift and lower his left leg. The right one wouldn't obey. Disappointment lined his face as he turned to McCoy.

"Told you."

Spock placed his hand on Kirk's shoulder.

"Try again, Jim. I'll help you."

He grasped Kirk's right leg and raised and lowered it a few times.

"That's enough, Spock. Okay, Jim, now move out in the deeper section and tread water."

"I'll drown!"

"No you won't. Use your arms to keep yourself afloat and concentrate on moving your legs as best you can."

Kirk shook his head, but took a few strokes out into the pool. Spock accompanied him. The captain rolled onto his back and floated. He grinned back at McCoy.

"Okay, I'm...floating. Now what?"

The doctor scowled at him.

"Lazybones! Tread water. Now!"

The captain sighed and came out of the float position. He paddled his arms furiously to keep afloat. Occasionally he managed to kick with his left leg, but the right one remained immobile. After five minutes, Kirk tired and couldn't paddle anymore. His head slipped under the water for a moment, but Spock pulled him back up and held on to him.

McCoy was smiling hugely.

"That was very good, Jim. Spock, help him back over here."

The Vulcan towed his captain easily back to the shore.

"Thanks, Spock," said Kirk, smiled, and grabbed hold of the edge.

He said to McCoy, "I guess I didn't do too badly after all."

"Told you."

"But what about my right leg, Bones? I can't move it at all. How much longer?"

"Probably not much longer -- you're making very good progress."

"Are we finished?"

"In a minute. Try pulling yourself out of the water. I don't expect you to be able to pull yourself completely out, but it's good exercise for you."

Kirk pulled himself partly out of the water several times, then fell back.

"You know, in a few days, I think I'll be able to get out on my own. But for now...I'm waterlogged, Spock. Help me out of here."

"Doctor?"

"Yeah, I guess that's enough for today."

McCoy pulled himself out of the pool and Spock grasped Kirk around the waist and lifted him onto the pool's edge, before jumping out himself. The doctor dried himself off with a blanket, then tied it around his waist.

Spock followed suit, then bent down to move Kirk onto the stretcher. Doing so, he saw a bleeding cut on Kirk's right leg. He called McCoy over.

"Hell! How'd you do that, Jim?"

"Must have cut it on a rock, I guess. I didn't know I'd done it."

"Can't you feel it? It's a nasty cut, it must hurt."

Kirk looked up at McCoy. "No, I can't feel a thing."

His eyes had a scared look. He caught the look of worry on McCoy's face before the doctor could hide it.

"That's not good, is it?"

"It's not uncommon," the doctor replied, sealing the cut, then spraying on a dressing.

"Not uncommon in temporary cases or permanent? Tell me the truth, Bones."

"Both."

Kirk nodded and fell silent. He said nothing for the rest of the trip back to the hut. He ate his dinner in silence and went to sleep.

* * * *

The next week of therapy was much the same, with Kirk getting stronger each time -- except for the right leg, which still wouldn't function.

Of more concern to McCoy were the nightly seizures, which were very frightening to Kirk's friends and very depressing for Kirk. However, McCoy never voiced his concern to anyone but Spock. After Kirk had fallen asleep following the most recent episode, the doctor confessed his fears to the Vulcan.

"I'm very afraid too much time will have passed by the time they find us. Very often, treatment must be immediate in order to be successful."

"But not always, is that not correct, Leonard?" Spock replied gently.

"You are the most singularly optimistic person I know, Spock, next to..." The doctor's words trailed off.

"It does seem unlike Jim to give up so easily."

"He's scared, Spock. He's always bounced right back from injuries. And I think these seizures scare him even more than they do us. He's used to being in control."

The dawn light was already shining into the hut, and the village was about its morning routine. Gannaka came to the door of the hut and asked permission to enter. McCoy invited her in and saw she had her son, Jakar, with her.

"I know you have been preoccupied with your friend," she said, nodding at the sleeping Kirk, "but..."

"You wanted to know if my offer to fix your son's leg was still good," McCoy finished.

Gannaka nodded.

McCoy smiled. "Sure." He turned to the cub. "Have you eaten or drunk anything since last night, Jakar?"

The young Dannub shook his head shyly.

"Good. Gannaka, I'll have to ask you to leave him alone with me and not let anyone come in here while I repair Jakar's leg."

She held the cub to her tightly, then agreed, closing the hut door behind her.

"Okay, Jakar, lie down on this pallet, here, and close your eyes. Spock, light a couple of lanterns and bring them over here, please."

The Vulcan did as requested, while McCoy turned his back to the cub and pulled a hypo from his medikit. He attached a vial of sedative that was safe for most mammalian species. Concealing the hypo in his hand, he turned back to Jakar.

"Just relax, son, I'm not going to hurt you," he told the Dannub, who was lying on the pallet and watching the doctor fearfully. "Close your eyes," McCoy repeated.

The cub complied and jumped a bit when he felt the hypospray pressure the drug into his arm. Within moments, the youngster was asleep.

"Spock, give me a hand."

McCoy ran the scanner over the youth's leg and pointed out to the Vulcan where the old break was.

"Rebreak the leg for me."

Spock did as he was asked, then moved aside to let the doctor set the bone. After running the bone knitter over the leg to stimulate healing, McCoy wrapped an elastic material around the leg and encased it in plasticast.

Seeing Spock's raised eyebrow, McCoy explained, "Yes, I know I said I was going to use splints, but hell, they've seen the plasticast on Jim's head. It's nothing new to them, now."

The Vulcan shrugged.

McCoy put away his equipment and called Gannaka in.

"Jakar's going to sleep for a while longer," the doctor told the mother. "When he wakes up, he's going to be in pain, so if you have some pain-killing herbs or drugs, I suggest you give him some. I don't think the ones I have would be suitable for Dannub.

"It should take about three days for the leg to heal. If we're still here, I'll check it at that time, then remove the cast. If we're gone by then, give it an extra three days to make sure the healing is finished, then remove the cast. Once the leg is healed, Jakar should have no problems. He'll be able to walk normally."

Gannaka thanked him, picked up her son carefully, and cradling him in her arms, took him back to their own hut.

McCoy walked over to check on Kirk, who had not yet awakened. "Keep an eye on him, Spock, I want to stretch my legs. I'll bring back some breakfast."

When McCoy returned a half-hour later, he found a group of five Dannub outside his hut. Some of them sported bandages and two of them had bad coughs. The doctor scratched his head, smiled at them, and entered the hut. He set their breakfast down. Kirk, now awake, and Spock watched him intently.

McCoy threw up his hands.

"All right, now what do I do? They deserve our help, but the Prime Directive..."

"It's a problem, all right, Bones. Don't these people have a healer of their own?"

Spock stepped outside to ask, then returned.

"No, Captain, she was killed in the last raid and had only begun to train an apprentice."

"Damn! Well, tell them to get that apprentice over here. Spock, I want you to work with Bones and the apprentice and find out what you can about the herbs growing locally. If we can help them on their own level, we won't be breaking the directive."

The Vulcan stuck his head out the door and asked them to fetch the healer's apprentice.

Within a few minutes, the apprentice, Danara, had arrived.

McCoy sighed and asked the apprentice, "Do you know where the healer used to collect herbs for medicines?"

The Dannub seemed to think for a moment before replying, "Yes. I can show you, but I do not know which herb is good for which ailments."

"That's all right, I'm a healer, I can help you with that. Spock, go with him and gather samples of each, then we'll see what we've got."

The Vulcan nodded his agreement and followed the Dannub apprentice out of the hut.

Within an hour, they returned with a large sack of various herbs. McCoy thanked the apprentice and asked him to tell the others to come back the next day. Once the Dannub had left, Spock and McCoy began analyzing the herbs with the tricorder. It took a while, but they finally sorted out each one according to use.

"Okay, all we need to do is get some more of these primary ones and hang 'em out to dry in the sun. Then we can crush 'em up so they can be mixed with food or drink. Get Danara back here. I'll show him what each herb is for and he can help us make up the medicines."

* * * *

Over the next two weeks, McCoy became the village healer and resumed Danara's training. After outlining a program for Kirk's therapy, the doctor relied on Spock to make sure their captain followed the regimen.

Kirk's rehabilitation progressed well and soon he was able to get around on crutches. His seizures, however, though they decreased in frequency, never went away.

One day, when they were well into their third week on the planet, Kirk spotted a sail out at sea. He and Spock had been going frequently to the ocean for his water therapy. Kirk was playing with the now healed Jakar in the water when he caught sight of the ship.

"Spock, look! A ship! Hot damn, maybe we're finally going to get off this island!"

Jakar looked out to sea, too, and at the sight of the approaching ship, he cried out in fear, "It is the garan! I must warn the others."

Jakar quickly swam to shore and raced to his village.

"What do you think, Spock?"

"I think we have a definite problem, Captain. Our only way off the island may mean cooperating with that ship."

"What are you saying, Spock? Surely, you're not saying we should abandon the Dannub and suck up to those brutes?!"

"I did not say that, Captain, I was merely making a statement of fact."

"Well, I'm not going to stand by and watch these people brutalized further! C'mon we've got to help them make some more weapons."

"Captain," Spock asked warningly, "what are you suggesting?"

"Oh, give me a break, Spock, I'm not talking about anything beyond their capability to make. I should have thought of this sooner; I could have shown them how to make bows and arrows. There's no time for that, now."

Kirk made his way to the shore where the Dannub were now gathering.

"Listen up, my friends," Kirk said. "You obviously don't stand a chance with just your spears against the garan. We've got to build some traps. Gather up your fishnets and as many large rocks as you can find. We'll need plenty of rope or vines, too."

He spotted Jakar and asked him, "Son, are there any pits or bogs of quicksand around here?"

Jakar nodded and told him of a top opening in a beach cave, and a large quicksand bog near the village.

"Okay then, here's what we'll do..."

* * * *

It took over 2 1/2 hours for the ship to make it in to an anchorage. The ship was large and was similar to the ones Kirk had seen back at the mainland port where he and his friends had begun their sailing trip.

From their hiding places, Kirk, Spock, and the Dannub watched the mainland humans load clubs and spears into small boats and then climb in for the trip ashore.

Kirk thanked the stars this planet didn't have firearms. Defending the island was going to be difficult enough. There were almost as many humans as Dannub, and the human intruders were all adult men, at least twice the size of the Dannub.

The human hunters waited till all the boats were ashore before proceeding. They split up into three large groups, then made their way inland.

Kirk gave a bird call and four of the Dannub, who were particularly fleet of foot, let the first group of invaders catch sight of them before running into the jungle on all fours. The four Dannub led the soldiers a merry chase, pausing occasionally to let them draw a bit closer.

The Dannub scampered over a large patch of seemingly solid ground then stopped on the other side. One of them had pulled up lame and his friends stopped to help. In any case, the foliage up ahead was obviously so dense, surely no one could get through it.

Certain they had the four Dannub within their reach, the garan charged onto the patch of ground after their prey. All of them quickly began sinking into the quicksand and were caught fast. A horde of young Dannub emerged from the bushes and began pelting the invaders with rocks, preventing any successful attempts at extricating themselves. Slowly, they sunk out of sight.

A similar scene was played out when several Dannub maneuvered part of the second group onto the covered top entrance to the beach side cave. The Dannub, knowing there was no real exit from the cave, didn't bother sticking around. They knew high tide would take care of their new prisoners. Besides, not all of that group had fallen; the eight men remaining, after a quick check on their fellows, resumed the chase.

Members of the third group of garan were lured under trees. They tripped over vines and set off the last traps, fish nets full of stones, suspended from tree branches.

That left the odds decidedly in favor of the Dannub who engaged the remaining invaders in battle. Ducking out from heavy foliage and from behind trees, they harried the hunters with their spears, killing and wounding several of them.

Four of the invaders ended up next to Kirk and Spock's hiding place. As they drew near, Jakar, who had been hiding with Kirk and Spock, jumped out bravely, but foolishly, and stabbed out with his spear at his enemies.

Kirk swore and stumbled out to help the cub. Balancing himself on his best leg, he lashed out with a crutch, taking out one of the invaders. From the corner of his eye, he saw Spock in hand-to-hand combat with two others. He turned back to Jakar and saw him down on the ground, holding up his arm to shield himself from the blow of an upraised club.

"No-o-o!" Kirk shouted and jumped at the attacker.

His halting steps were slow and he arrived an instant too late. He watched in horror as the club descended on the youth, crushing his skull.

With a cry of rage, Kirk leapt from his place on the ground and tackled the man. The attacker was stronger than the convalescing Kirk, and he shoved the captain to the ground. Kirk tried to roll out of the way of the man's club, but still caught a hard blow to the head. His eyesight faded as he saw his aggressor topple to the ground. The last thing he remembered was Spock kneeling beside him.

* * * *

After a long period of darkness, Kirk awoke in a strange, sterile place. After several attempts, he managed to focus his eyes. He saw someone move in beside his bed. It was McCoy. He was relieved to recognize him and he opened his mouth to ask about Spock.

To his dismay, the only thing that emerged from his mouth was a stream of gibberish. Spock moved into view, then, and took Kirk's hand.

"Don't try to talk, Jim. You...need your strength.

Kirk read the sympathy in the dark eyes. Sympathy, hell. Pity! He turned his head so he didn't have to see that expression. He managed to take his hand out of the Vulcan's.

McCoy and Spock exchanged worried glances.

The doctor spoke to his patient, "Okay, Jim. As you've figured out, the blow you received in the battle set you back some."

Kirk turned to the doctor and gave him a scathing look.

"All right, then, you've had a major setback. But you're in a Starfleet hospital, now, you've had surgery and we'll start regen treatments in a week. There's a good chance you'll be fine."

Kirk's mouth twisted in a sarcastic frown and he shook his head. "L-l-l-lie."

"Dammit, Jim, a positive attitude can make all the difference. Just try!"

Kirk turned his face to the wall.

McCoy drew Spock aside and said to him, "Let's get out and let him rest. He's got to come to terms with this setback."

The Vulcan nodded, but returned to Kirk.

"Jim, we are going to leave and allow you to sleep. Later, I will return with a computer so you may communicate."

Kirk shrugged. McCoy shook his head and injected the captain with a sedative. His eyes closed as the drug took effect.

* * * *

When his friends returned the next morning, Kirk was sitting up, staring at a plate of food. Just staring.

"Mornin', Jim, having breakfast?"

Kirk looked sidewise at McCoy and shook his head.

"Do you require assistance with your food, Jim?" Spock asked.

A nurse entered about that time and said, "Dr. McCoy, good! I was looking for you. I can't get Captain Kirk to eat."

"I imagine he's experiencing some paresis. Did you try helping him eat?"

"He refuses the food."

McCoy called up Kirk's chart on the bedside computer. He noted his friend had suffered two seizures since they saw him last. Damn! No wonder Jim's so down this morning.

"Okay, then, nurse, set up a intravenous spray of nutrients," McCoy sighed.

The nurse left the room to fetch the equipment.

Spock walked over to the bed and set down a small computer on Kirk's table. He adjusted a small headset and eyepiece on his friend.

"Jim, by directing your eyes at the letters on the screen, you can spell out words. As your motor skills improve, you can use the keyboard."

Spock turned on the computer and called up the program.

Kirk looked up at Spock and nodded. McCoy was encouraged as the captain began to spell out words.

"GO AWAY," Kirk typed.

"Why, Jim? We only want to help you," Spock told him.

McCoy could detect a note of hurt in the Vulcan's voice.

"DON'T WANT HELP. WANT TO BE ALONE."

"Now, just a minute, Jim," McCoy said, trying to rein in his anger. "We're your friends. We care."

"DON'T WANT PITY. GO AWAY." In his own mind, Kirk added, <And I can't stand you seeing me like this.>

"Who said anything about pity? That's what friends are for -- to help one another."

"NO GOOD. CAN'T HELP. NO ONE CAN."

"That is not true, Captain," replied his first officer. "You can certainly improve your condition, even if you do not recover completely."

"NO LIFE WITHOUT THE STARS. NO STARS FOR ME LIKE THIS."

Spock had no reply for that statement. He looked pleadingly at McCoy.

"Who knows what level of recovery you could obtain, if you'd just put your mind to it," the doctor told him. "It's very early. As your brain heals, we'll know more about how your recovery will progress."

"I KNOW. NEVER RECOVER. ALWAYS BE A CRIPPLE. NO MORE STARSHIP."

Concerned at his friend's attitude, McCoy took Kirk's hand and leaned close, saying, "This isn't like you, Jim. I've never known you to give up. There are lots of meaningful jobs you could accomplish besides captaining a starship."

"DON'T WANT ANY OTHER JOB. WANT STARS."

"But Jim..." began McCoy but was silenced by Kirk's shaking head.

"TIRED. GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE."

"All right. But think about what we said." McCoy gestured to Spock and they left the room.

"What can we do, Doctor?"

"I don't know if there's anything we can do. He's got to decide for himself that he wants some sort of life. We can't make him want it."

McCoy looked down at his hands.

"I'm a damn good surgeon, but I can't force a man to want to live."

Spock was clearly shocked at the implication.

"Do you mean to say Jim wants to die?"

"I think so," the doctor replied.

He glanced up at Spock,who was trembling.

"Damn, Spock! I've never seen you like this. This has really got you spooked, huh?"

"I apologize. I am having difficulty controlling my emotions."

"You poor bastard. I've often wondered if Jim did you any favor teaching you to feel." McCoy took a deep breath. "Well, I haven't given up yet. If Jim won't take help from us, then maybe he'll let a stranger help him."

"That is not logical."

"Actually, it is. We're too close to Jim. He looks at us and remembers the way things were. He's not used to being helpless."

"Then whom do you suggest?"

"I have an old friend who's an excellent physiotherapist. He's also a damned good psychologist. I'll give him a call. He's in Atlanta."

"Very well. I have some matters to attend to at the Vulcan Embassy. I will meet you later at our quarters."

"Okay. Say, what's the word with the repairs on the ship?"

"The work is nearing completion. Starfleet has ordered the Enterprise to leave on a mission in three days."

"Three days, huh?" McCoy rubbed the back of his neck. "It'll be months before Jim can return to duty." He left the 'if ever' unspoken. "Have they assigned you an interim first officer?"

Spock avoided McCoy's penetrating gaze. "Yes..."

"But what? I swear I hear a 'but' in there somewhere."

"The assignment is not temporary."

"What do you mean?"

"I have been offered full command of the Enterprise."

"Oh." McCoy passed his hand tiredly over his face. "And you don't know how Jim's gonna take that. Hell, Spock, you know Jim would want you to have the captaincy if he couldn't."

"I suppose. I have never wanted the captaincy, however."

McCoy looked incredulous and asked, "You mean you told 'em 'no'?"

"I have not yet given them an answer."

"If you don't go, I don't go. It just wouldn't be the same without you two."

Spock's eyes softened and he replied, "Thank you for the compliment, Leonard, but I frankly cannot see myself aboard the Enterprise without Jim as captain. I had thought I might request a shore posting in San Francisco -- in order to be able to help Jim with his rehabilitation."

"Yeah, I'd sort of been thinking along the same lines." McCoy sat down in a nearby chair. "But the way Jim's acting now..."

Spock sat down beside him. "Indeed. I, too, had not anticipated his reaction to us."

"Well, we've got three days to see if he changes his attitude." McCoy rose to his feet. "I'd better go make that call. See you tonight."

The Vulcan nodded, got up from his chair, and left for the Vulcan Embassy.

* * * *

The next day, McCoy and Spock walked into Kirk's room to find him apparently asleep. One look at the monitor, though, told McCoy that Kirk was wide awake.

McCoy ran a diagnostic scan on his patient, then spoke to him, "Jim, we need to talk."

Kirk opened his eyes slowly and regarded McCoy suspiciously. He nodded once and the doctor reached over and turned on the headgear computer.

"Okay. I'm seeing definite signs of healing in your brain."

Kirk looked doubtful. He tried to raise his hand, but couldn't.

"You've got to understand there's still swelling from the surgery. As the swelling recedes, so will the aphasia and paresis."

"Speak to me."

"T-t-t-ell t-t-tru..." Kirk's cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

He used the computer. "DON'T TRY PLAYING YOUR MIND GAMES WITH ME. IT WON'T WORK. I DON'T WORK."

"You sure as hell don't! You don't even try to work on the exercises I prescribed."

"USELESS. I AM USELESS."

"There's just no talking to you, is there?"

Spock tried. "Captain, the Enterprise leaves on a mission in two days." He saw the pain in Kirk's eyes. "I have been offered the command of the ship."

The pain turned to resentment for a moment then faded. "YES.

YOU MUST BE CAPTAIN. SHE NEEDS YOU."

"I disagree. The Enterprise needs you. There is only one James Kirk."

Kirk's eyes watered as he spelled out, "CAN'T. USELESS CRIPPLES CAN'T COMMAND. YOU MUST BE CAPTAIN."

"You know I do not wish to command, Jim." He took a deep breath. "Will you please try to do your exercises?"

"USELESS. MY LIFE IS OVER. PLEASE BE CAPTAIN OF MY SHIP."

"There is no life for me aboard the Enterprise without you. I have made my decision. I have turned down command."

Kirk's eyes widened, as did McCoy's. "Will you allow me to stay here and help you?" the Vulcan asked.

"NO. YOU CAN HELP ME BY TAKING CAPTAINCY. I DON'T WANT YOU WASTING YOUR CAREER TENDING TO A CRIPPLE."

"You do not want me here at all, then."

Kirk's head was turned toward the wall so he didn't see the hurt in the dark eyes. He shook his head.

Spock's face went stony.

"Very well, then. Goodbye."

Kirk sneaked a look at the Vulcan.

Spock looked Kirk directly in the eye. "I am resigning my commission and going back to Vulcan."

Kirk's and McCoy's mouths dropped open.

Spock continued. "I have been your friend and have never regretted it. However, since you now repudiate that same friendship, I must distance myself from you. I have applied to study the Kohlinahr with the Masters at Gol. If you will excuse me, I must make arrangements with Starfleet."

Spock turned and walked out the door.

McCoy turned on Kirk and snapped, "Happy now? You've driven away your best friend."

Kirk turned his head back to the wall so McCoy couldn't see the tears that were stinging his eyes. He shrugged.

"All right, listen here, you self-pitying bastard," McCoy said. "I've got the best physiotherapist on the planet beaming in this afternoon. If you ever have any hope of walking out of here, you damn well better do what he tells you."

McCoy whirled and started to leave.

A stuttering voice stopped him. "B-bones."

McCoy looked over his shoulder at Kirk. "What?"

"You g-g-go-ing b-b-back?"

"What for? What the hell is left?"

Anger rose in Kirk, as well. Everyone was abandoning his ship, his lady. He remembered their time on the planet of the Dannub. Something occurred to him.

"B-B-bones. W-w-wh..." Kirk spelled out his question on the computer. "WHAT HAPPENED TO DANNUB?"

"They killed most of the garan attackers and drove the rest away. I doubt if they'll be bothering them again. Spock and I reported the hunters to the authorities."

He sat down in a chair beside Kirk's bed. "You very nearly didn't make it off that planet alive, Jim. The day after the battle, the Hood pulled into orbit in search of us. They signaled us and we beamed up."

"WHAT ABOUT JAKAR?"

McCoy dropped his head as he replied, "There was nothing I could do. He died almost instantly."

Kirk's hands clenched into fists. "SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME. I FAILED HIM. MY FAULT."

"No, Jim."

"M-m-my f-f-fau-au-lt."

McCoy swore softly, and said, "That's the way life is, Jim. You know that. Sometimes, no matter what you do, people die."

"YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED JAKAR, NOT ME."

"Interestingly enough, Gannaka said the same thing. She also blamed you for getting him into that battle, even though you did tell him to stay at the village. She apologized, later, and explained her grief had caused her to speak that way."

"EVERYONE I CARE ABOUT EITHER DIES OR LEAVES ME. EVERY TIME IT WAS MY FAULT. MIRAMANEE, EDITH, RAYNA. SPOCK."

"Jim, a person can only witness so much self-pity. They can only take so much rejection."

The accusation angered Kirk. "THEN GO! NO ONE'S MAKING YOU STAY!"

"If that's the way you want it...fine. I'm going back to Georgia. If you change your mind and decide you want a friend, call me. But don't wait too long."

McCoy got up and strode out of the room. The door slid shut behind him.

* * * *

That afternoon, the door opened. Kirk awoke from a nap at the noise, secretly hoping it was McCoy or Spock. Instead, a stranger walked in. He nodded brusquely at Kirk and consulted the diagnostic monitor.

"Hello, Captain Kirk, I'm Dr. David Lane, your physiotherapist."

"G-go a-a-a-way."

"Nope. I've got a job to do and you're gonna help me do it."

"NO USE. GET OUT OF HERE."

"Let's get something straight, here, Captain. I'm a civilian. You can't order me around and you can't bully me. And I've got a damned thick hide, so don't try insulting me."

"GO AWAY. WANT TO DIE."

"Sorry, but you're in too good shape for that and suicide's illegal, so no one's going to help you and you sure as hell can't do it yourself. So that leaves two choices. Either spend the rest of your life in that bed, or get off your ass and try to regain some mobility. Hell, you might even get well enough to go off and kill yourself!"

Kirk regarded him with amazement.

"I'm goin' to go get some of my equipment. When I get back, you better have an answer for me." Lane left the room.

Lane returned 20 minutes later. He stood with his hands on his hips, looking questioningly at Kirk.

"Well, what's it gonna be?" Lane asked. "You wanna spend your life in that bed?"

Kirk shook his head.

"Okay, then, let's get started."

* * * *

Two and a half arduous months later, Kirk, speaking normally and walking with a cane, showed up as ordered for his appointment at Starfleet Headquarters.

He presented himself to the commanding admiral's aide, "Captain Kirk to see Admiral Nogura."

The aide checked with the admiral, then escorted Kirk into Nogura's office. The admiral was looking out his picture window at the bay.

He waved the aide out and turned around.

"Have a seat, Jim."

Kirk thankfully sat down in the padded chair in front of Nogura's desk. The admiral settled himself in his own chair and leaned back in it.

"I've been reading your medical file, Jim. You've made a lot of progress."

"Yes, Sir. Three months ago, I didn't think I'd ever walk and talk normally again. Dr. Lane believes I can throw away the cane in another few weeks."

"That's good to hear. I've got a job for you."

Kirk sat up attentively. "The Enterprise?"

"No, the Enterprise is under the command of Bill Richter."

"Isn't he about due for retirement?"

"Yes, but the Enterprise will be coming in for a refit that will take nearly a year. I'm putting Will Decker in command of her during the refit."

"And afterwards?"

"Will Decker will be the captain of the Enterprise, Jim. I need you here at headquarters. Not many of my staff have had command experience. I need an officer of your caliber. I've got plenty of 'yes men,' I want somebody who'll tell me what he thinks and back it up with reasoning based on personal experience."

Nogura didn't miss the disappointment in Kirk's posture.

"I was kind of hoping to get a starship command again," confessed the younger man.

"I'm aware of that, Jim, but frankly, you're not mentally and physically ready for the stress of command. You'll be of far more use to me here at HQ. To tell you the truth, I'd been considering this even before your accident. There's a promotion in it for you and a title -- Chief of Starfleet Operations. Just think, you'll be the youngest person in Starfleet ever to achieve the rank of admiral."

"I suppose I don't have much choice," answered Kirk. "I ought to be thankful, I guess, that I can stay in Starfleet. Okay, I'm your man."

<For now,> thought Kirk. <But by God, the first opportunity I get to take back command of the Enterprise, I will. I can handle this for a year. Besides, I want to command a fully operational ship. And ... it wouldn't be the same without Bones and Spock.>

He missed them greatly, but was stung by the fact they hadn't contacted him in almost three months.

Nogura interrupted Kirk's train of thought as he spoke, "All right, then, report tomorrow morning."

He reached out and shook Kirk's hand. "Congratulations, Admiral, welcome aboard."

This is the end of the story.

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